Now that Mark McAfee entered the debate with Mary McGonigle-Martin and Melissa Herzog, I have this feeling of being ringside at a prizefight. I have been at two boxing matches in my life—both in my role as a newspaper reporter—and while I was transfixed for a while, I soon had had enough of watching blood spray about and fighters’ eyes roll backwards in their heads.

Tonight happens to be the first night of Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, and the start of a ten-day period, ending with Yom Kippur, during which Jews seek to atone for their sins. A big part of the atoning process is for both perpetrators and victims to come to grips with their situations, and move on, starting the new year fresh.

Now the situation involving Mark and Mary/Melissa isn’t a clear case of perpetrator and victim. As Dave Milano points out, “Mark’s abrasiveness does not qualify him for hanging” and Melissa is a victim, but “a victim of what, exactly?”

In the spirit of the holiday (and I mean this entirely in an ecumenical spirit), I think a kind of atonement might be in order. Here is how one of the meditations in our prayer book this evening put it: The perpetrator “must appease the injured person and ask forgiveness. By the same token, an injured person must not be cruel and unforgiving. We should be slow to anger and easily appeased. And when our forgiveness is requested, we should grant it with a whole heart and a willing spirit; we should not be vengeful or bear grudges even for a grave injury…”

The Mark versus Mary/Melissa discussion has been truly enlightening in many ways—indeed, a gift in terms of the issues concerning health and disease and nutrition it has raised over the last ten months. It has sparked some of the most provocative discussions on this blog, thanks to the willingness of Mary and Melissa to share painful memories, and now the willingness of Mark to directly participate.

And it continues to enlighten by exposing to the light of day potential rumors and half-truths. The explanation by Brit of her family’s recent illness, and how it probably didn’t relate to raw cream, is a case in point. Such stories are essential in countering the government’s campaign of harassment.  

But as I did at the boxing matches, I find myself sometimes flinching when the punches become personally accusatory. It’s important not to forget that this latest  round was triggered by a highly questionable state action at a vulnerable time for Mary and Melissa. They all deserve better than that. I wonder if it is time for them to do what I suspect comes more naturally than they want to let on–to forgive, and heal.